Shave, Brush Your Teeth, Act Like a Man, Man.

I know one thing in life and that is, come August, girls are going to be wild. During quarantine, everyone is bored, horny, and missing college. Thus, the craziest nights are yet to come.

But I have one request for you gentlemen out there. Please, for the love of god, learn to be hygienic. Girls are paying $60 to get waxed and you are still wearing your shit-stained Fruit of the Loom boxers. Your balls probably have cheese stains from all the Cheetos you’ve been eating, your socks have enough cum on them to supply a sperm bank, and you probably smell worse than an NFL locker room after a game.

Buy some calvins, put on some cologne, and practice what your dentist has been saying your whole life: “you must brush your teeth for two minutes.”

Girls have set such a low standard for us men and let’s exceed their expectations and go for the Barney Stinson “perfect week” (7 days, 7 girls). 

Stay classy my friends,

The reincarnated Hugh Hefner